Friday, November 28, 2008

Paris Tomorrow

I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow. Bittersweet arrival. I called my French bank today. I blocked the Parisian landlord from withdrawing funds. Pretty standard. I hope I get my security deposit back. The entire thing. I need it.

Sam and I talked finances this morning. He's feeling pinched. Money truly does make the world go 'round. I fear living with him for too long. Everyone suggests to get out as quickly as possible. I agree. It's probably best that way. Going from zero to sixty in seconds. I wonder how it will be to see him. Will he bring flowers? He threatened to bring flowers.

He asked if I'd be his girlfriend. I agreed. I'm a bit afraid to tell anyone. Especially Paris people. Silly me. I'm a bit afraid he doesn't mean it. What does a title change? Nothing much. Am I happy? Yeah. I was getting used to the single and ready to mingle idea though.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is a great film. If you have a chance to see it, please do. Your cynical soul might depend it.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Happy Go Lucky

If you're having a rough day/week/month, go see Happy Go Lucky. Sally Hawkins does a stellar job of being the flawed everyday woman. It's good. You'll like it. And even if you don't like, the film will stay on the brain. Think train wreck of happiness - the kind you can't peel your eyes away from.

Oh, and if you're having a bad day, go buy some shoes. I put three pairs on a credit card and couldn't feel better. One pair has 4.5 inch heels. I justified the purchases as being career enhancing.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Freakout

Today was a major freakout day. There are 38 days until I leave for Australia and 9 days until I leave for Paris. I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. I'm beginning to think I'm crazy.

I could conceivably just stay in Paris. It couldn't be too hard. I would try to crash with people until I got on my feet. Healthcare is affordable and yeah, life would be goodish... except when I consider those student loans!!! Mofos. Anyway, so Paris really isn't a valid option at this point. So it's either stay in Washington or continue to Canberra. I vote Canberra.

Sure Sam could drop me like a stinky skunk - in which case I'd be penniless, homeless and thousands of miles away from any support network that might take me in - but I'm optimistic that he won't. Call me naive, but aside from not commiting thing, he's a good man. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

My Parents Are Rockstars

So my mom sent a sweet little email yesterday. "Just to let you know doll, we paid your Wells Fargo loan." Say what? Oh gosh, you are the savior parents!!!

Today I am thankful for those two caring souls. Bless.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Just Another Natalie

I felt bad. I wanted to take it back. Who am I to demand things from you when your world is falling apart? Was I being selfish?

The short answer is yes, I'm being selfish. I'm working in my own self interest. I want to be valued. I think you should value me. I'm willing to pour myself into you if you would only commit to valuing me. It shouldn't be a something to ponder. Izzy=fabulous=commit. If not, I can only assume I'm just another Natalie.

So how to be friends? Well, at the moment, that doesn't take much imagination. Be there for him during this difficult time. Listen. Not divulge the intimate details of my life. ...Mander suggested I should start dating. Perhaps I will. I've never been on a date; sounds like fun though.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Veterans Day

Changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier. Arlington National Cemetary. 16:00.

I watched a young man in military garb hold the hand of the woman beside him and sob. He had no legs. His right ear was mangled. All I could do is stare. I wanted to cry too.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ambiguous Couple

Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand. I'm not particularly good at standing up for myself. Great at telling others they need to be firm but am horrible in the self-execution department.

I truly care about Sam. He's a unique individual with a most intelligent, caring soul but sometimes he's merely talk. For all his talk of apologies, desires and dreams, I have no proof that he actually means any of it. The wise book says that you "will know them by their actions and their fruit." Our relationship has been as potential roommates, casual friends, casual fling getters, involved lovers, and now the ambiguous couple. I'm tired of playing games. I'm moving to OZ in less than two months. He says he's excited. He says he's trying to find a place for us to live should I decide to live with him. He says he cares. I have never demanded anything from him. This has been my mistake and my downfall. A woman who demands little gets little in return. So I demanded. I want a title. I want to be his girlfriend. After a year, he should know if he wants to be with me. I'm tired of being in the background. I'm tired of being second rate. I'm tired of being the constant bitch to whom he can come for comfort and fun before going off on another conquest. I am worth more than that. Not to sound tacky, but I am valuable and my price should be high.

I told him that either I arrive in OZ as his girlfriend or as a friend. There will be no in between. I will act according to his decision. He said he'll "think about it." All right lover. It sounds like you've made your choice. We've had a rollercoaster ride of a journey together. It has been fun and horrible and memorable. I will always love you but I'm moving on. I will arrive in OZ as your friend, nothing more.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I AM

I am pathetic and tired. The only person I want to talk to is a million miles away relaxing on a sunny beach. Balls!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Karma

I know I shouldn't gloat but my old future flatmates just got jipped by their new flatmate (my replacement).

All worked out for me in the end as I'm going to OZ, and I harbor no ill will, BUT sometimes it feels good to know that I'm not the only one who gets the shaft.

Disclaimer

All opinions contained herein are the exclusive property of Elizabeth Zarrouati, and in no way reflect the beliefs or attitudes of, but not limited to, the United States Government, the French Government, the Australian government, nor any government entity in the U.S., France, Australia or anywhere else in the world where I happen to be. All writing and original images on I Endorse Bread and Typos ©2008 of I Endorse Bread and Typos unless otherwise indicated. All rights reserved.